Of all our natural human experiences, our emotions are the most misunderstood. Almost every day, I work with people who aren't in touch with their feelings. They don't understand their emotions. They try to get control of their feelings, or understand them, or heal them, or reconnect with them. They sometimes expend great effort to experience them and express them in ways that are at least harmless.

It is a common belief that if one becomes fully aware of one's feelings, that somehow the quality of their lives will become better. This belief is often created and perpetuated by psychotherapists of all types and persuasions. Frankly, I think that such a belief is not only inaccurate, but also rather useless.

Consider some of the alternative views of feelings and emotions.

Emotions (or feelings) are natural and regular physiological changes within our bodies, to which we attach labels such as "fear" or "anger" or "guilt" or "joy" or whatever.

Feelings are never "rational" or "reasonable." They are only bodily changes which are sufficiently dramatic enough to be noticed. They are not "good" or "bad." They are never "right" or "wrong." They simply occur. They just are.

The "purpose" of emotions is to provide each of us with energy. Feelings have no other purpose or meaning other than to signal us that we want or need something, and at the same time, provide us with the energy to pursue the fulfillment of that need.

If we are not aware of feelings, it is usually because we aren't paying attention, or they are such small changes, we don't notice them. Many of us spend a great deal of time not feeling anything, because our bodies are in balance or the ongoing changes are so subtle, we aren't aware of them.

Nobody else can know or experience your feelings. You are the only one who can know when you are hungry, sexual, needy, happy, disgusted, delighted, angry or frightened. Nobody else is an expert on your feelings. Only you are.

Many feelings need not be acted upon or even expressed. Sometimes it is OK just to acknowledge that you are experiencing feelings without doing anything with the energy they generate. Feelings are never dangerous. Feelings may signal us that some dangerous event is happening in our bodies, but all by themselves, emotions are always neutral or beneficial phenomena. They just happen within us, and like the weather, are not under our control.

We do exercise choices about what we do, or how we use our emotional energy. The behavior we choose as a way of expressing our emotions may or may not be beneficial to us or anyone else.

Feelings never need to be "fixed." In fact, feelings are never "broken." Attempting to fix them is pointless, if not down right self-destructive. Nothing has to be done about emotions, except perhaps to enjoy their variety, intensity and richness they offer. Without emotions, our lives would be colorless and empty.

Feelings are not designed to hinder or paralyze us from action. They are for motivating us and energizing us to live, breathe, move and experience life. They are needed to help us do what we need to do, not provide us with a handy excuse for not doing something, e.g. "I don't fly in an airplane because I'm anxious." At best, use your anxious energy to motivate you to buy an airline ticket and get on the plane.

In a healthy person, "feeling good" is not a priority. Experiencing one's life fully, with all the emotions we human's have, is the top priority. Feeling happy is of equal value as feeling say...angry. When we use our emotional energy skillfully and powerfully to create the kind of quality of life we desire...that is the best way to understand and develop a passionate, active lifestyle. And our emotions empower us to do precisely that.

Copyright © 2002 Lloyd J. Thomas. All rights reserved worldwide.