A child isn’t born with personality. But, he’s born with temperament – specific traits that determine how he responds to the world. There’s no such thing as a good or bad temperament, it just is and kids can’t change their temperament anymore than they can change who gave them birth.

What then is Personality?

Imagine a large umbrella labeled “personality.” Under that umbrella are two forces; nature and nurture. How a parent responds to (nurture) a growing child has tremendous impact on him. When you combine a child’s inborn temperament (nature) with the parenting he receives, you get the development of personality.

What is Temperament?

While the precise definition is controversial, temperament is generally accepted as a natural, stable style of reaction to people, places, and things. In other words, temperament is the how, not the why (motivation) of a person’s behavior. It is genetically determined and as unique as hair color and height.

When did it begin to receive attention?

Temperament research began in the late 1950s. The work of a husband/wife team, Alexander Thomas and Stella Chess, both medical doctors and professors of psychiatry, is considered landmark. They studied the everyday responses of 136 subjects from infancy to adolescence. Chess and Thomas noted characteristics present at birth that continued to influence development in important ways throughout life. They eventually identified nine categories.

Since then, many scientific studies of temperament have continued to show that children's health and development are influenced by temperament. We all know children who seem more challenging to deal with than other children – even at birth!

Who Cares?

The realization that behavioral tendencies are innate – and not the result of parenting – is one of the most liberating insights parents gain from learning about temperament. By recognizing temperament, parents can create effective discipline techniques, rather than butting heads, with kids. They can tailor their expectations and encouragement to suit each child’s needs. And by being tuned into a child's temperament, parents can recognize their child's strengths and will find life more enjoyable.

Learning about temperament can be useful in self awareness. We can get a better understanding of our personal as well as parenting behavior.

Also, knowing temperament concepts can provide techniques for working with people in a variety of settings. Not only parents, but educators, childcare professionals, counselors, therapists, and health care providers can use this insight to improve understanding and relationships.

What are the Temperament Traits?

The nine temperament categories according to Drs. Chess and Thomas are:
1. Activity Level: The general drive of motor activity. Is your child very busy and quick-moving or does he have a more relaxed, sedate style?
2. Regularity (also called Rhythmicity): The predictability of daily functions and how kids organize their behavior. Has your child achieved a biologic rhythm for behaviors such as eating, sleeping, using the toilet or is he unpredictable and random?
3. Approach/Withdrawal: The initial response to new stimuli. Does he tend to hesitate and shy away from new people or things or is he outgoing, social, and excited by novelty?
4. Adaptability: How easily a child adjusts to changes or transitions. Is your child a “creature of habit” who resists transition or one who readily “goes with the flow?”
5. Sensory Threshold (also called Sensitivity): How a person responds to sensations such as touch, sounds, and taste. Is he bothered by external stimuli such as loud noises, bright lights, or food textures or does he tend to ignore them? The sensitive child feels the seams in seamless tube socks.
6. Quality of Mood: Basic disposition regardless of conditions. Does your child express a chronically negative, apathetic outlook or a positive, “sunny” nature?
7. Persistence (Attention Span): The ability to "stick with" a task even in the face of obstacles. Does your child give up as soon as a problem arises or is he goal-oriented and keep on trying?
8. Distractibility: How easily a child becomes distracted by surrounding circumstances when engaged in an activity. Is your child easily diverted from what he’s doing, a daydreamer, or is he driven and focused with ability to shut out external distractions?
9. Intensity of Reaction: The level of response to stimuli. Does he react passionately and with drama to situations or with mild reactions?

Today, the Carey Infant Temperament Questionnaire is used to formally evaluate traits. According to this tool, only 1/3 of infants will be characterized as “difficult,” the other 2/3 will be classified as “easy.”

Of course, any temperament can become a setback or area of conflict. For example, in a fast-paced, two-working parent home adaptability is valued. Kids with an adaptable temperament can get to the end of the day and quickly adjust to their surroundings. But, those who are slow to make changes can become overwhelmed, resistant. However, DNA isn’t destiny, we can learn to modify our response to children (nurture) and help them grow with their temperament.

Tips for Improving Relationships:

Most parents want a positive, emotionally close relationship with their kids. Strain on that relationship can be caused by different temperaments; a parent and child are “out of sync.”

Perhaps a child who is slow-to-warm-up to new people or situations lives with a parent who frequently moves. The child might act irritable and the baffled parent doesn’t understand or know what to say.

It’s difficult to be patient, warm, and personal every time kids need direction. But there are ways to use your knowledge of temperament to help improve your parent/child relationship.

• Change the way you perceive your child. Just knowing that certain aspects of your child’s behavior are biologically based can make a difference in how you see and nurture him. Helpful self-talk can be your survival. Try saying, “This is my child with a challenging behavior,” not, “This is my challenging child.”

• Use positive words to describe his behavior as a way to enhance his self-image (and your sanity). For example, you can say, “My child is goal-oriented,” rather than, “He’s pigheaded.”

• Honor uniqueness. Kids don’t have to see, feel, and act like you. Mature parents recognize that children are unique and approach the world with their own style….even if they’re difficult to understand.

• Work with your child rather than always demand he change. Even small adjustments – like cutting the tags out of clothing for the sensitive child – can make a difference in how he feels and behaves.

• Stop the guilt. Avoid assuming every real or imagined challenge with your child is a sign you’ve failed. Some kids won’t turn out exactly as we’d like, no matter how great we were as parents.

Bottom Line:
Adjust your parenting to meet each child’s individual needs. The result is each will feel highly valued, understood, accepted, and respected. When you respond to kids for who they are, not for what you want them to be, they’ll grow up with healthy self-respect and a greater tolerance for the different people who come into their lives.

Keep Reading:
Some books you might find helpful include, Understanding Your Child's Temperament by WB Carey, Raising Your Spirited Child by MS Kurcinka, and The Difficult Child (revised edition) by Stanley Turecki.