Two very important readers of the Inspired Parenting columns suggested I write about my relationship with my grandmother; and gather other such stories from people who cross my path. My relationship with my own three granddaughters has its foundation in the loving, mentoring, unique relationship I had with both my grandmother and my grandfather. So for the next few columns, I will try to share some of the meaningful experiences and the incredible lessons I was given by my grandparents.

I work in home health care and so for the last 26 years, in one way or another, I have worked with the elderly. Early in my social work career I worked with children and adolescence; and except for the chronological years, not a lot is distinct about these two groups. One seeks to begin life, one seeks a noble ending in order to begin again!

Recently, I walked into an assisted living home to visit one of my patients. She has mild dementia and a host of other frailties. When I entered the room, she was holding a small radio in her hands, listening to static noise...no distinguishable words were audible. A faint sadness surfaced from my lower spine into my heart. Needlessly alone, my heart said.

The next patient I visited speaks Polish and, mentally, lives in the past. I understand some Polish and speak a few words. My ancestors were from Poland and my grandmother always conducted herself as if she were the matriarch of Poland! This woman was sitting in a corner chair, neatly folding Kleenex tissues into sections of four. She barely looked up when I entered, so focused was she on her task at hand.

I felt a similar surge of sadness move through me again. Mentally, I went back to my childhood and remembered the notorious tidiness of the Polish neighborhood of which I was a part. I frequently rode my bike to the corner bakery for my grandmother on Saturday mornings, only to find myself dodging the hoses which were spray cleaning wooden porches and steps of the small houses lined up on the block like postage stamps.

I thought about all the history my patient represents, all the wisdom and insights about life she has gathered through her experiences over the years. And now no one is willing to listen, to receive, to care. Oh, we would probably say we want to, but were not able to because we have no time!

Well, my grandmother would tell me, "time is all we have." Time is what my two patients have and they both wish it would disappear, they would disappear; because their time is empty, lonely, and worse yet, meaningless. As I look around my world, drive down the streets, visit hospitals, hospices, community agencies, and businesses, my sense is people believe they have no time. When I ask them whether they are using their time in meaningful ways, most respond, "No, I feel like I am on a treadmill doing things I am tired of doing." I would conjecture that doing things has taken control of them, carried by the current of modern life on the run.

If my grandmother were alive today she would say, "Nie dobzie!" Translated, that means not good! It is not good that we are leaving our elderly alone and have all but excommunicated them from our world; that we have been uninterested in receiving their wisdom and life lessons. Even more disconcerting, we are leaving our children alone. I am beginning to see that vacant look in the eyes of our children. Overwhelmed, over stimulated, held to unrealistic expectations, raised by nurseries and nannies, there is an epidemic of loneliness in our world and most especially, amongst our children and our elderly.

Look into your child's eyes, or your grandparent's eyes, and see if what looks back at you is vacant or filled with light and spirit. It's not too late to re-weave the web which connects us all, but we have to make some wise choices and seize our time in a way that is meaningful for us and others.

My daughter Kimberly sent me a poem by E.M Forster, Room With a View, that speaks to the inner self:

"But let yourself go. You are inclined to get muddled...let yourself go. Pull out from the depths those thoughts that you do not understand, and spread them out in the sunlight and know the meaning of them."

Time and silence are the vessels which hold our true being. We need both to know ourselves. Give yourself both gifts and you will find that wisdom is all around you, in the young and the old. Silence will allow you to meet your inner self, and as you do, reach out for someone's heart and touch it in a meaningful way.

The next time you are driving past an assisted living home, a nursing home, a senior residence, stop and visit somebody...give them a meaningful moment. And if your children are along, take them in with you, and give them a meaningful moment, too!

Copyright © 2003 Elaine K. Williams. All rights reserved worldwide.