One fall morning Laura, then five, was dawdling in her bedroom. However, she was supposed to be dressing for school. "Laura get dressed," I urged for the umpteenth time. Laura continued procrastinating, staring into her closet, mumbling to herself, and making no progress.

"Aaahhh!" - as Cathy in the Hallmark comic strip would exclaim - I was nagging! Laura was not getting dressed and it was partly my fault. At this point, I'd been parenting over 12 years. One would think I'd been smarter and prevented this mistake.

How did I correct the situation? Logical consequence. I wanted to teach my daughter that she was acceptable even though her dawdling behavior was not. I marched into her bedroom and calmly, firmly, (and finally) announced, "Laura, if you aren't dressed when your bus comes, you'll have to finish on the bus." My statement was met with a disbelieving, wide-eyed gaze and a smirk on the face of my daughter. I neither mentioned it again nor checked in on her.

Several minutes later I heard the squeal of bus brakes then a familiar horn toot. This was Laura's signal to dart out the door and onto the bus. I bit my lip in anxiousness over whether she'd be dressed or not. To my surprise and pleasure Laura was - except for socks and shoes. "I'll put your socks and shoes in this sack so you can finish dressing on the bus," I said. Then I handed her the sack with the remaining clothes. Laura looked at me with a disbelieving stare and gaping mouth.

Down the driveway toward the waiting yellow bus Laura shuffled, toting her unfinished business. Barefoot, she slowly climbed the steps and sat down on a seat. "Have a good day. Love you!" I cheerfully reminded as her bus drove out of sight.

Did I feel a bit shameful? Yes. Did I wonder if I did the correct thing? Yes. Did it bring success? The next morning, without a word, Laura was fully dressed before her bus arrived. What did this logical consequence teach her? Lots: time management, ownership of her behavior or self-discipline, and that Mom can be trusted - she means what she says.

Fortunately, this consequence was necessary only once. I share my minor triumph to help you make the most of consequences when teaching your child. A consequence is a valuable discipline tool because some children must learn from experience rather than passively absorbing reprimands (or nagging) from the parent. Also, it allows us to talk less and act more, which gives kids opportunity to make responsible decisions.

There are two parts to a successful consequence. It must:

In my situation, the hard part was allowing the consequence to happen. It would've been easier to plop Laura on the bed and hurriedly pull on socks and shoes. But she needed to learn self-direction and I was her teacher. Logical consequences permit children to learn from reality.

Everyday there are opportunities to use logical consequences to manage your child's behavior. For example, when you want your child to stop throwing food on the floor you can state, "When you throw food on the floor you have to pick it up" or for the budding artist who scribbled on the wall, "here's a rag, now wipe it off." Children soon learn that all behavior has outcomes. When you announce and allow consequences to happen you send a valuable message to your child: "you are able to take care of yourself."

Natural consequences are also an effective teaching tool. Natural consequences are those related to nature. As adults we've learned that leaving our house on a rainy day without an umbrella will get us wet or working all day without meals makes us hungry and grumpy.

Within reason - and safety - allow natural consequences to happen in child discipline. Rather than cajoling or getting into food wars with preschoolers simply state, "If you don't eat, you'll get hungry." Let nature take its course without a snack rescue. When your child complains shortly afterward that she's hungry say, "I know you must be hungry, you can eat when we have dinner."

Roberta saved herself a battle of words. She allowed natural consequences to teach her three-year-old. Nathan, anxious to play with the neighborhood kids, begged to join his pals out in the snow. "Wear your coat Nathan," Roberta advised. Like many rambunctious preschoolers Nathan was oblivious to his mother's guidance and dashed outdoors. Shrugging her shoulders Roberta confidently said, "When he gets cold he'll put on a coat." Within minutes of her prediction a shivering Nathan ran in the house looking for something to wear. Roberta handed him the coat without a scolding or "I told you so" but with a little motherly smugness.

Consequences teach your tot to own and - eventually - control his behavior. He also learns to do more for himself, which builds self-respect and independence. Be patient: some children need repeated encounters with a consequence to internalize the rule. This type of discipline may take time to be effective in your home. Be persistent: when you give in it indicates a lack of respect for yourself. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Then your child learns to trust you and sees that that your love for him is unconditional while your acceptance of his behavior is not.

Adapted from the book Parenting Power in The Early Years, on raising young children, by Brenda Nixon. For information on Brenda's books and audiotapes go to www.parentpwr.com.

Copyright © 1998 Revised 2003 Brenda Nixon. All rights reserved worldwide.