Together, we packed his bag with jammies, his toothbrush, clothes, and all the things he thought he might need such as books, swords, and his Bert doll. We drove to his friend Alex's house and I left him there.

I'd dropped him off plenty of times before but this time it was for the night - his first sleepover. I told Alex's mom, Terry, to call me if he wanted to come home. It seemed possible he might - we had never been apart over night before.

But he never called and when I went to pick him up the next morning, Terry said he never even asked for me.

Kyle was just three-years old but in some way, he grew up a lot that night.

There are certain things that mark our children's journey to independence and our own process of letting go.

Sleepovers may not be a big thing like walking or talking, but they do reveal a lot about our kids and about us. Some kids aren't ready for sleepovers until they are eight or so. They try, but they always end up calling for mom or dad to pick them up. When I was younger, our parents didn't think we were old enough to have them for sleepovers until we were in second or third grade. Like so much of parenting, it's a matter of perspective.

Unfortunately, in these days of abuse and violence, many parents don't feel safe allowing their children to spend the night at friends' houses, especially their daughters. Boyfriends or fathers have and do sexually abuse young girls on sleepovers. While there are cases of mothers abusing kids, the vast majority of molesters are male. It's frightening enough to consider it, a nightmare to actually live it.

It is challenging to allow our children to go out in this world where terrible things happen. We have to let them go but we need to prepare them as best we can.

Like the overnight bag my son and I packed, he takes the things he needs to protect him from the monsters of his imagination. Now, while he's young, I try to teach him about boundaries between people. No one is allowed to touch him without his permission- that includes innocent hugs from other kids as well as adults trying to hold them in their laps. And he cannot touch others without their okay.

The first night Kyle was gone; I kept thinking I heard him calling for me from his room. It was harder on me than on him to be separated. Now, I relish the nights he's gone. It makes me appreciate him more the next day.

Sleepovers represent trust between parent, child, and caregiver. We have to rely on our kids and each other to provide a safe place. We also need to help each other pack the things we need to make leaving home an adventure, not a nightmare.

Copyright © 2003 Anna Stewart. All rights reserved worldwide.