Most babies' first Christmas' are filled with new clothes and tired parents. The focus is on celebrating a new family member. The lights and candles fascinate babies. Santa has no meaning.

Unfortunately that doesn't last long and parents have to face the really big question of the holiday season- "How do we handle the whole Santa thing?" Do we lie to our children and buy into the jolly fat man who leaves way to many presents under the tree? Do we tell our kids the Santa at the mall is the real thing? Do we create a ritual of magic and wonder that includes Santa but doesn't focus on him? Or do we just blow off the whole thing?

The first few years are easy. Two and three year-olds don't ask any questions we can't easily explain. And the look on their faces when they come out on Christmas morning to something Santa left is precious. Less is more for the little ones. Then they get to be about five or six and they start asking the tougher questions- "Why can't I see him come down the chimney?" "Where exactly does he live and why can't we go see him during the year?" How does he know if I'm good?" "How come he brings my friend lots of stuff but only one thing for me?" "How do you know he won't bring me a puppy if I ask him for one?"

That's when the parental dilemma really begins. Many of us try to recreate family traditions. At many homes, Santa brought lots of stuff but parents never gave anything. So what happens when a "big list" woman meets a "one special thing" man and they have kids?

Wendy, a mother of three buys up the store at Christmas and everything comes from St. Nick, not her. "My kids believe in Santa because he brings things they know I would never buy them. I buy nothing the whole year but Santa buys the stuff I won't."

My husband and I cringe at the commercialism and insidious consumerism of the holiday season but we also remember the delicious anticipation of going to bed on Christmas night surrounded by loving family and knowing that Santa would come. We wanted to share the magic with our children, but not the crassness.

Another parent of three says his kids all know that Santa doesn't really exist, even his five year-old. "But they go along with it, " he says.

In a society where knowledge is more highly valued than imagination, magic is suspect. Nature based ritual are foreign and giving without getting is not something we practice. I'm trying to find a balance between it all. Now that my oldest is plotting to stay up all night to catch a glimpse of the jolly fat man, I realize this is the year to put more emphasis on the magic.

I'm asking my kids to think about what they can make for each other and to give some toy they have to kids' who don't have many. It's hard for my eldest to part with his stuff but he knows I mean it. I hope it will get easier each year. We're decking the halls and this year that includes a tree for the birds and squirrels in the backyard. Santa is coming but he's not at the mall- those are just his helpers. He brings one major gift, leaves it unwrapped and fills their stockings. The other gifts are from people who know and love them. Most of our gifts for family are homemade.

We're avoiding the long "I want" lists and trying to bring in a little magic. We also have a ritual called the 12 days of gnomes. The gnomes live in our yard and push up jewels for the kids to find in the sandbox so they are already part of our lives. We're building a special place for them to enter the house out of wooden blocks and sticks. My plan is to have them bring gifts that remind us of the bounty around us- seashells, shiny rocks and pinecones, and things that invite cooperation and imagination- family games, nature books, and art supplies. My hope is to diffuse a little of the pressure for "happiness and fulfillment" on Christmas morning and be so full before we get there that it's just icing on the cake.

I'm sure my son will still hope to catch a glimpse of Santa Claus and the desire for getting presents will still be with him. But perhaps it will bring some holiday wonder to all of us and maybe he really will hear the reindeer's bells.

Copyright © 2002 Anna Stewart. All rights reserved worldwide.