Many people find it difficult to change old habits. We often want to, but find it too difficult, too time consuming, or too discouraging. Some of habits we would most like to change are the ones which are not working well for us, hurting us, defeating us, or making us sick. Some of the physical, emotional, and mental habits we acquired in early childhood are especially difficult to alter. Changing them is like learning a new language while the old one is spoken most of the time around us. It may be difficult, but not impossible!

People often focus their attention on the old habit they wish to change. They want to "get rid of it" or "let it go" or "unlearn it." But habits develop or become stronger whenever we attend to them. So the more you attend to an old habit, even if it is your intention to change it, the stronger it is likely to become. That is why the resolutions you make January 1, which are supposed to stop something, rarely last beyond January 15th. We will simply engage in old habits, no matter how much they hurt us, no matter how much we may wish we wouldn't, unless and until we develop replacement habits.

You cannot "unlearn" old habits. Once you have learned how to ride a bicycle, no matter how much you try, you are unable to forget those habits. You can, however, replace them with new ones. You might replace the habits involved with bicycle-riding with ones needed to drive a car.

Replacing new habits for old is a lot like climbing a mountain. The first time you do it, it seems difficult and perhaps "endless." However, if you climb that same mountain several times, you learn short cuts, the easiest trails, and the most efficient way to reach the top. After you have climbed the mountain many times, you may gaze down from the top someday and say, "Gee, that wasn't such a difficult climb. I wonder why I thought it was so hard."

All habits develop by taking three basic actions: ATTENTION; PRACTICE; and PERSISTENCE.

When you first sat behind the wheel of a car to learn how to drive, you had to pay attention to moving your arms and legs in ways which were unfamiliar. You attended to the way you stepped on the accelerator and brakes, all the while attending to the road, other cars and your turning the steering wheel. It was almost too much to attend to all at once.

Then you practiced. You repeated those new movements over and over again. You may have driven an instructor around the block or parking lot many, many times. With practice, the coordinated actions of eyes, arms, legs, and ears became "automatic." That means you didn't have to consciously think about those movements anymore. Those driving habits were now unconscious.

If you quit practicing your new driving habits they became automatic or unconscious, you would not be driving today. If you persist in practicing new behavior, it will become "easy." If you become discouraged or quit the practice, you never learn the new habit.

With attention, practice, and persistence, you now drive a car as easily as if you had learned to do it before you could walk. While driving, you might even be able to consciously think about other things (like what you are going to do at your destination) all the while you are driving. Your newly learned habits will allow you to still drive safely to where you want to go.

If you don't like your living room furniture and decide to move it all out to the garage, you could do that with relative ease. You simply attend to the old furniture and move it out. But if you failed to replace the old furniture with a room full of new, my guess would be within a few days you would naturally bring back the old so you could have SOMETHING to sit on! Habits are like that. You need a room full of new ones if you want have new habits to replace the old.

REMEMBER: THAT TO WHICH YOU ATTEND GROWS BIGGER OR STRONGER! If you attend to old habits, they become stronger. If you attend to the new ones, they too will become stronger. It's your choice! How are the mental, emotional and behavioral habits you developed when you were a child, working for you now? What are better alternative habits you want to develop through positive attention, practice and persistence?

Copyright © 2004 Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D. All rights reserved worldwide.