Looking back on my trip to India, I had realized that from the first day a serious chunk of the unfamiliar and unpredictable would be on my daily menu of experiences. At first I found the unfamiliar intimidating.

For instance, after checking into my first hotel room, I was tired, 13 hours behind schedule and confronted with trying to figure out how to turn the lights on in my room. I did all the familiar things... nothing worked. So I called downstairs to the concierge. Someone was at my door in moments to assist me. It turned out that my door key was also the pass to the light switch. I simply inserted it into a wallet on the wall and magically all the lights went on!

After a few days I could feel myself release the tension that comes with dealing with the unknown and unfamiliar, and felt my spirit move me to a place where I was actually anticipating and finally enjoying the mystery of each day. This got me thinking about my three-year-old granddaughter, and eventually, all children under the age of three.

Megan recently spent a weekend with me, just the two of us. It was indeed a special time, especially when she awakened about two hours earlier than I preferred and tried to "peel my eyes open" so we could begin the day. I realized quickly that no amount of coaxing would convince her another hour of sleep would be delicious, so we just laid in bed, facing each other, looking deeply into each other's eyes, absorbing the sweetness of this connection of love and trust.

I asked Megan what she wanted to do that day. "I don't know," she said. In that moment I realized that almost every morning Megan awakens and has no idea what her day will hold for her...what she will eat, where she will go, whether she has a doctor's appointment or nursery school, whether she will drive with her family on a 600-mile trip or stay home and play in her yard, if her mom and dad are having a good day or a stressful, challenging day, if she will have to accompany her mom and sisters' and wait as they see their orthodontist, and on and on. Every day for the last three years Megan has awakened facing the unknown, for the most part with delight and anticipation.

What a great amount of trust is demanded from parents and what a huge responsibility it is for a mom and dad to hold and honor their child's trust. As parents and grandparents, we actually, and many times unconsciously, teach our young children what they can anticipate. What messages have you given your young child? Are they messages which will ensure they will feel secure, safe, deeply loved and therefore will know trust; or, are they messages that make them feel dismissed, in the way, making life infinitely more difficult for you which in turn will lead to self-doubt and fear.

Thinking back to my own parenting, many times it was the inadvertent, unintended message that was the strongest. Problems in another part of my life, not having anything to do with my daughters, sometimes made my behavior and verbal messages sound like there was "something wrong with them." Looking back, I think instead of being inexplicably out of sorts, how much simpler it would have been to tell them I was distracted with a problem having nothing to do with them. I would have also been teaching my children a wonderful communication skill.

So let us learn from the incredibly flexible and spontaneous three- year-old how to manage change and unpredictable moments with ease; let us be ever-conscious of the influence we have as parents and grandparents in shaping a child's ability to trust; and let us take time to "be" what we want to teach our children to "be."

Copyright © 2001 Elaine K. Williams. All rights reserved worldwide.