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Elisa
Medhus
Creating a Strong Family
Identity
Creating a family identity is an effective way to instill our children
with a sense of permanence, belonging, and stability, paving the road for
raising confident, independent, moral children.
The stronger that family identity, the more comfortable our children will
be because they are a unique part of a strong group—a group that accepts
them as they are. This is crucial for their developing faith in their
ability to make choices based on inner reasoning rather than relying on
peer pressure, the media, and other outside influences. Sadly, children
whose families have weak identities often seek guidance from less pristine
influences to achieve the sense of belonging that they haven't been able
to gain within the confines of their homes.
There are many ways we can convey this sense. Family traditions and
rituals, whether they accompany holidays or not, are something to which
our children look forward. Some examples include going on yearly vacations
to a specific destination, singing “Happy Birthday” in a special, wacky
way, having little family sayings, serving special dishes at holidays,
going out on “buddy days” with each child, having father-daughter dinners,
mother-son outings, creating special handshakes for each child, and so on.
Watching family videos together and having photo albums that chronicle the
years of family life handy can provide a strong sense of unity and a few
belly laughs to boot.
Family dinners are crucial opportunities to strengthen this sense of
identity. It's a wonderful time for children to freely express themselves
as individuals as well as members of the family. However, it must be a
completely safe environment, free from evaluations, criticisms, or
judgments that might hinder this freedom of expression. It is important
not to denounce what they say, nor feel compelled to offer what we
consider a better way of handling a situation.
A strong family identity also makes the job of instilling values in our
children easier. We might try saying things such as, “We don't tell lies
in our family,” or “The Vasquez family shows respect for their friends,”
“We use words in our family, not hitting.” Voicing values demonstrates
what we hold dear as a family. However, actions pack an even greater punch
so its important to pay attention to what we do. For instance, to show my
children the benefits of generosity, we enjoy going out on Christmas Eve
to distribute blankets, socks, mittens, and jackets to the homeless. To
show them the virtues of a strong work ethic as well as the importance of
loyalty and responsibility, we volunteer as a family to staff the garage
sales and other fundraisers for our schools.
In summary, a strong family identity is like a coat of armor protecting
our children from the often cold, harsh world beyond the confines of that
white picket fence. It insulates them from those outside influences that
would otherwise rob them of their self-esteem, weaken their concept of
self, and thwart their attempts to rebound from their mistakes and
failures. Most importantly it safeguards them from all that would sabotage
the sacred trust they must have in their own inner voice—their ability to
inwardly make choices because they are right rather than rely on external
beacons to make their choices contingent upon outside approval and
acceptance. What a simple strategy. What far-reaching, momentous
repercussions for our children, our families, and society as a whole.
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About The Author ...
Copyright © 2001 Elisa Medhus. All rights reserved worldwide. |
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