Excerpt from Nurture Your Child's Gift

Children offer us clues to their life vision and destinies at an early age through their temperaments, emotional responses, talents, and intelligence. Consider the following stories of children whose temperaments later led to their life interests and fulfilling occupations.

Four-year-old Edward asked his parents for cowboy clothes for his birthday. He wore the outfit night and day, avidly playing cowboy games. Within a month, Edward told his parents he was going to be a police officer and asked for police officer clothes. They were able to find a Halloween outfit that Edward then wore non-stop for the ensuing weeks of police officer activities. Next Edward asked for a firefighter's hat since that is what he was going to be when he grew up. Rather than discouraging Edward or becoming impatient with his constant requests, his parents found him the hat, realizing he was living out his repertoire of grown-up roles. He had to dress and act out these roles in order to satisfy his curiosity. This phase ended within six months, by which time Edward had acquired an extensive dress-up wardrobe. As an adult, Edward did not become a cowboy or a police officer, but he entered a profession in which he studied the minds and emotions of different professionals as a clinical psychologist.

Kimberly, at age two, put back the dress her mother laid out for her each morning and exchanged it for a pair of jeans and a tee shirt. After about a week of these non-verbal clues, she finally told her mother "no" to the dress put out for the day. Blue jeans became the clothing of her choice. Kimberly is now sixteen years of age and still wears her preferred comfortable clothing. These examples illustrate how each child's unique temperament, with its pre-dispositions and individual preferences, is present from birth. Edward had a natural curiosity about people and professions that his parents encouraged. Kimberly's mother appreciated her daughter's ability to express her preference and encouraged it.

Our children's temperaments show themselves in the way they live each say and how they interact with others. By developing an eye for small clues, matching it with gifts and personal skills we see developing, we build a pathway through which the child's dream can express.

Each child's unique temperament, with its predisposition and individual preferences, is present from birth.

Nurture Your Child's Gift
It is through inner peace that the dream unfolds. We use all our parenting skills to discover what is going on inside our children and how that plays out in relationships and events.

Marie was an introverted five-year-old who loved nature walks. She wanted her parents to read only books about trees or other nature-oriented themes. She didn't emulate her mother's cooking or vacuuming. Rather, she modeled working in the garden and watering indoor houseplants. Her parents encouraged this interest by planting a small garden, taking nature walks with an educational bent, and investing in a computer program that identified plants and discussed environmental safeguards. These kinds of activities became Marie's hobbies. Rather than trying to change Marie's shy temperament, her parents helped her develop strengths and interests, knowing these interests would lead her to the next step in her growth.

It takes our parental awareness to watch what interests our children. We learn to observe how they play, what they say, and how they adapt to new situations. All of the clues to temperament, emotions, and intelligence are right in front of our eyes. Can we see them clearly?

How Dreams Unfold -- Oliver's Story
Some children realize their gifts through their dreams as early as age five or six. More commonly, dreams unfold in puberty and adolescence and give the child a sense of his life mission that he moves toward in an all-consuming way. Oliver, who we met in the previous story was one whose gift emerged early and stayed in the forefront of his mind in the coming years. This is a common element of an unfolding destiny. It does not go away. It may take a back seat for a time, but never for very long.

 

I had a string of dreams with various celebrities popping in and out--until I had one dream about winning an Oscar. I saw myself on stage giving the speech and accepting the award. The next day I found out that my girlfriend had a similar dream. In her dream, she walked into a bar and watched me give my acceptance speech for winning an Oscar on the television over the bar. I had that dream around age fifteen. It was like a reminder of where I was going.

In the span between 12 and 18 years old, I just knew that I was going to achieve everything that I set out to. I knew I was going to be famous. I knew I was going to have a lot of money. I knew I was going to work with all the people I wanted to work with. This career was set in motion before me, and all this in the process is just learning and waiting. To me the dream is inevitable.

Like Oliver, other children whose dream is alive within them often use the phrase, "I know it," or, "I can feel it."

There is no logical way to explain an inner knowing. It is a perceptual, intuitive, and emotional feeling.

It is not intellectual or logical, and children may not have words to describe it. I asked Oliver to explain what his "knowing" was like:

It is a flash. It starts as a moment; a simple thought that you might normally have. However, the reaction that your entire body and mind have to this thought is different. For instance, there was a time I would think about myself doing a play or a movie, and I couldn't see it. I knew I wanted it, but I could not actually see it and there was no reaction within my body. Then there was one night where I was just laying in bed and it happened. There is a flash of me holding that Oscar in my hand or being on a set, and my whole body just illuminates. A smile comes to my face immediately. It's euphoric.

The awakened gifts in youth bring such a surge of personal certainty that they have no doubt or question about their journey. It’s as if the dream answers those eternal question, "Who am I?" and "What am I supposed to do?"

Our children's dreams summon them toward a destiny that can be felt, if not always understood.

After graduating from high school, Oliver did receive a full scholarship to study acting. But he yearned to be out in the real world doing it, not studying it.

I've seen the vision and I'm going for it. That is it. Sometimes it's hard when people tell me that I shouldn't have left school and I should be making a regular living. 'Why don't I just grit my teeth, bear with it and make connections?' they suggest. All I know is that my heart chose another path.

How children's gifts unfold depends upon their basic nature and the nurturing they receive. Dreams transcend all religious practices, belief systems, and cultural definitions, although these factors contribute to them and provide a context for them. Gifts need avenues for their expression, as we discuss in the final chapters of this book. Religious and sociocultural aspects can empower or crush them.

The most important variable that makes a significant difference in how a child's gifts reveals itself is how we, as parents, accept, honor, and hold this dream in our own heart.