It is a fascinating moment when your grandchild is old enough to comprehend that you are not only her grandmother, but the mother of her mother! This moment came in a most inauspicious way last summer.

I was taking my three granddaughters to a nearby park off of Lake Erie to feed and watch the seagulls, ducks and geese. As we left my daughter's house, I impulsively asked her if she would like to join us. It is a special moment watching young children find deep joy and glee in feeding a bird, coming so close to a winged creature that is usually flying high over their heads, and watching them out maneuver each other for the cracker crumbs. I especially find great pleasure in these simple moments of innocence and wanted to share this one with my daughter.

She was free and did agree to join us. My granddaughter, Shelby, and I headed for the car, as my daughter got Elizabeth and Megan ready. Shelby was muttering and displeased, which I immediately realized. I asked her what the problem was. 'I do not want my mom to come, Grandma; I just want us to go by ourselves.' I sighed, as I knew this would be tricky!

I tried to explain to Shelby that I was simply trying to share a wonderful time we always had at the lake with her mom, who happened to be my daughter. No matter how I explained my intent, Shelby would have none of it. She was claiming as exclusive the time we had become accustomed to between grandmother and granddaughters.

At seven years of age, almost eight, Shelby wanted me to invoke my parental authority and insisted that I tell her mom she couldn't go. "You're her mom, you're the oldest, you can tell her what to do, come on Gram, do it," she commanded. It was an interesting moment. I realized Shelby felt I had betrayed our exclusive time together; and was neither interested or cared about my reasons or desires.

When I spoke with her later and asked her why she was so upset about my inviting her mom, she told me plainly, that it 'changed' everything. We had, I thought, had quite a nice time, but Shelby thought otherwise. "We didn't chase the moon like we always do coming home; we didn't roll the windows down, let the wind blow through our hair and sing at the top of our voices; and we didn't do any made up silly songs!"

Ugh! I heard myself exclaim in a rather wimpy fashion, "but we did stop for ice cream cones." I hadn't truly realized until that moment that grandparents and grandchildren do create unfettered, free moments of pure joy filled with silliness, glee, creativity and fun. Grandparents can toss rules out the window as they roll them down to let the wind come in and mess up hair and tickle cheeks and live on, what a 3-, 5-, and 7-year-old might consider 'the edge!'

Recently I was preparing to spend a day with my daughter and her family. One of my granddaughters asked for a soda to take in the car. I said sure and handed her one. My daughter looked at me incredulously and said, "mom it's 8:30 in the morning!" All I could say was, "Oh," and then I thought about the times my dad would take my children, who were at that time about the same age, to McDonald's for a burger and fries - in the morning! (This was before McDonald's served breakfast!) The kids loved keeping the secret and loved even more how impotent I was when I found out and could not do anything about it ... as my dad, no matter what I said, would be going back to McDonald's in the morning, with his grandkids. This we all knew as sure as we knew the sun would come up in the morning!

And so here we are, a generation later, re-living a similar, benign naughtiness that is a true bond between grandparents and grandchildren. My granddaughters love to invoke "come on Gram, you're her mom, you can tell her to do whatever you want." For me such power is unnecessary, as well as an illusion, no matter how old your children are.

The freedom from parental rules delights most children and most grand- parents and now here is what I wonder: could it delight parents if they let it? I invite all the parents who read this to do something 'off the wall' with your child or children this coming Saturday...have an ice cream for breakfast, roll your car windows down and sing a made up song, put your tent up in the living room and camp out, playfully relax, find your own inner child, and be prepared to laugh and giggle with your children in an unbelievably innocent way!

Copyright © 2001 Elaine K. Williams. All rights reserved worldwide.