“That stupid bottle! How do I get her off it at night?”

A frazzled mom stood before me and explained, “My 16-month-old daughter is attached to her bottle at bedtime and hangs on to it during the day, too!”

“The world is a stressful place,” I answered. “Most tots need a security item to help calm agitated nerves. Looks like she’s using the bottle as hers.” I frequently hear this concern as I speak to parents of toddlers.

Newborns emerge from the womb with a persistent, forceful sucking skill. This is their principal survival and security source. Colgate World of Care website (www.colgate.com) says, “Nothing calms a fussy infant quicker than sucking on a breast or bottle or, when that's not available, on a thumb or pacifier.” Gradually, as solid foods are introduced, sucking is no longer a survival source. However, sucking on bottles or pacifiers may continue to be their calming behavior. This is when parents can introduce another comfort item such as a soft blanket, stuffed animal or small toy.

Lynsey, my first daughter, attached herself to a cuddly, overstuffed, white lamb given to her as a baby shower gift. “Lambie” became Lynsey’s comfort companion. We took him with us to grandma’s and on road trips to ensure Lynsey’s unbroken peace of mind. I saw to it our second daughter, Laura, bonded early to a lime green bunny with long, floppy ears that were perfect for stroking.

Nightly, Laura curled up in her bed, an arm snug around “Bunny,” and two fingers gently rubbing his ear until she drifted to sleep. “Lambie” and “Bunny,” now threadbare from years of love, are tucked safely in my cedar chest along with other cherished parenting memorabilia.

The bottle, however, must not become this primary security item. Why? There are numerous problems awaiting the toddler with a bottle habit:
 she gets full on liquid then does not eat solid foods at mealtime
 steady use can interfere with language development
 teeth can become misaligned
 in a laying position, sucking on a bottle aggravates ear infection
 constantly sucking on a milk or juice-laden bottle can contribute to tooth decay
 it's unsightly to see a healthy toddler running around with a half-empty, stale bottle dangling from her lips.

Enough to convince you? Children should find safety and security in meaningful objects, routines, and people, not from oral gratification.

Your first step is to replace any liquid you're now using in her bottle with water. That will protect her teeth from the possible rot. Then work on relieving her nighttime bottle use. Begin by observing your daughter during the day to see what familiar toy or blanket she prizes most. Then offer that item to her at night in place of her bottle. She may fuss at the change you're proposing, but your resolve will help her move away from the bottle and connect to another familiar item for relaxation. Avoid being too aggressive or you’ll have a power struggle on your hands.

Gently, persistently offer her the same item each evening in replacement of her bottle. Reassure her with something like, “You can use this now but no more bottle.” Encourage her with positive reinforcement. Compliment her efforts and create an environment where she chooses to stop sucking on the bottle. It may take several nights to get her switched over, but you must be consistent for her own good.

After a week of nighttime success, work on eliminating the bottle during the day. Some parents have found that by insisting the child use the bottle only while seated at the kitchen table, their toddler soon loses interest in it. After all, it’s no fun to run to the kitchen and be confined there just for a bottle fix.

You might also try keeping your toddler's mouth “occupied” with conversation or song. Sips of water from a straw can satisfy some need for sucking.

You are justified and wise in wanting to break this unnecessary, potentially harmful bottle habit now. After all, you don’t want to be like the mom who told me, “Andy clung to the nighttime bottle until he was almost two and then replaced it with not one, but TWO pacifiers. That took a little longer to break!”

I’ve heard several parents report a helpful “bottle funeral.” Together with their child, they throw it in the trash and wave goodbye or bury it in the backyard. This visual closure helps their child end bottle dependence.

Be prepared, during times of high anxiety – a new sibling entering the family, illness, or a pet’s death – it’s normal for your daughter to want to start sucking behavior again or become overly attached to her comfort item. However, with your help and her growing maturity, she’ll eventually learn other ways to cope with life’s stresses.